After reading Karen’s’ blog on “social order” about 4 times, I decided to bring something similar to the table….you know...the same...’cept different. The world we live in has put us in a strange position, morally. It has even been referred to as “Survival of the fittest” by Darwin. If you can’t handle being bullied, teased, or judged then you are the one with the problem. This harsh lesson is reinforced throughout the school years. Kids learn to look down on others that do not have the best of clothing, automobiles and many other things. This carries over into adulthood. Then the behavior is copied by our children. Whether we want to admit it or not, we have created the monster that is judgment. As we speak in our living rooms about what people at “WalMart” look like, how many kids a woman had with her, or how we ran into an old friend that had “let herself go”, we contribute to this downward spiral of morality, values and compassion for others. Why not? They are young and not able to discern what is truth or what is tongue in cheek. I discovered my own mistake when my 2 year old said “shit” for the very first time. Not at home, not at a friends, but at a relative’s home; a relative that I would not offend for anything in the world. People that have met me may wonder what planet such relatives live on……because they know my family. This was the opposite side, my Dad’s side. As I began to sink to what I hoped was death, my Aunt and Uncle pretended nothing had happened. They graciously continued our good byes without even an odd look. Though not true in every case, these people are true Christians. I am certain they have never spoken ill of me, called me a bad mom or anything of the sort. My foul mouthed daughter spoke at their 50th wedding anniversary. Well, she was a month away from 18 then. Cleaned up her act and made a great speech…makes a mom proud.

I am not mother of the year. I have made mistakes that I wish I could take back. All I can do now is move forward and try to make others feel better when they feel like crawling under the floor. When I was in college my parents encouraged me to read some very important books, some by the Rev. Norman Vincent Peale, Rev. Bob Schuler….and most of all Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I did drag my feet a bit because I had plenty to read. But, I found time to read them; and what a difference these writings made.

Carnegie’s book can be taken 2 different ways. One can read it and pretend or “fake” the advice, or read it and take ownership. Anything but the latter is a waste of reading. Carnegie teaches how to become “infectious” to others. I have met those who read it without owning his wisdom. Trust me; there is a fake smile and laugh all over their face. I know what his intent was for this book, and I am thankful everyday that I read it, more than once. It has taught me how to bring joy to others by my own reflection.

Norman Vincent Peale has a philosophy about kindness. Before I ever heard of “Random acts of Kindness” he had already introduced me to it. It had no name. It was just…..being nice. One piece of advice he offered was this, “If you see someone with a sad or sour look, try to make them feel better.” As an example, he spoke of a visit to the post office. The clerk was standing there looking crabby, acting grouchy, and probably very tired. He probably had a family to face when he got home exhausted that needed all the energy he had. The Rev. noticed the clerk had a thick head of hair. So he says to him, “Man, what I would give to have that head of hair on your head.” The clerk gives him an odd look, then a big smile. He goes on to thank the Rev and the sour look was gone. What’s the lesson here? Don’t look for what is unappealing about a person (which was his demeanor). Look for what is appealing. An older gentleman with such thick “locks” Rev. Peale knew this man took pride in that hair…..just a few words can change a person’s day.

Ever gone out to eat with a person that picks on the waitress for no reason? Suppose that waitress has just been dumped, evicted, or needed child support. Something to think about….we could be the person that gives her hope, or the person that makes her ask, “Why…why do I even try?” Maybe even a little extra tip. She probably needs it worse than we do. Think about it, a random act of kindness equals just being nice. It has always existed.

As I end this blog, it would not be complete without the teachings of Rev. Robert Schuller. From his writings, I learned to be tough and to forgive. It amazed me that this man could be so humble, so forgiving. His daughter lost her leg in a motorcycle accident. His faith kept him tough. This same faith kept me tough during times I felt were unbearable. His ability to forgive gave him peace when he really wanted to be angry. I still seek that peace. Have not found it…but refuse to stop trying.

Most people do not come by goodness by their own account. Even if man is innately good, there will be tests. As human beings, we should remember a few things. One - We should watch what we say and do; we do not know who is watching, or whose feelings we are hurting. Two - Seek out people who make us want to be better people. Three - Be kind, don’t judge, and try to find something nice to say….even if you get nothing in return.

Robyn