I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why we feel the need to put others down. Psychology Today calls this Rankism and says it is a social disorder. This affects individuals and groups. Unleashed, this disorder leads to the breakdown of relationships causing divorce, dysfunctionality and violence. Often we think it isn’t causing much harm. In reality, it not only causes harm to the person or people being put down, it also promotes the downward spiral of the person or group who has the disorder. The negativity surrounding the practice of Rankism is contagious. More often than not, people who overhear or read the put downs of others, either let it go, or laugh along at the expense of their fellow humans. I am as guilty of this as anyone. How can we fight this urge and exude positive energy instead of negativity?

There are several books and articles about this. A few say that some people really do feel superior to others, narcissists. They have no reason to feel bad about making derogatory comments about those they consider underlings. Most of the time, though, it is because we have insecurities about ourselves that make us want our peers to see us as more intelligent, stronger, better at our jobs, or better looking because we fear the loss of our status socially, if people find out we are inferior. Often we see that people who regularly point out the shortcomings of others also brag and exaggerate their own triumphs. We all know people who do this all the time, but most of us only do it once in a while and feel somewhat guilty for it afterwards. So then, you might ask, what’s the harm? If we talk a little trash to feel a little better about ourselves, maybe even learn a little humility in the process, who cares? Well, the people who are being put down care. The people who hear the conversation care. Whether it’s online, in public or in the privacy of our homes, the affect we have on others is evident.

When chatting or posting online, there is no way to know how many people will read what is written. Emails are forwarded. Computer screens seen over the shoulder of users. Posts are reposted and read by many. A put down of a person or group can be twisted and people assume the writer feels that way about a much larger group. The writer is then seen as sexist, racist or judgmental, even though he would say it was just meant as a sarcastic jibe.

Most of us are guilty of quietly poking fun of others in public. The smirk and nod to a friend, saying look at that guy over there, making fun of his hair, clothes or pack of children. How could that cause any problems? Well, we don’t know who else saw that. Maybe one of his kids saw that and is now embarrassed, causing the poor kid to have the same insecurities we are discussing. If we are a different race than the victim, maybe someone of the same race saw it and now thinks you are a racist, causing more anger and tension between the racists. The same is true if the person is a different sex. If you are well known in the community, the trouble is accelerated.
Even in the privacy of our own homes, having a conversation with a friend, we are influencing our friend and anyone overhearing the negative exchange. Do we really want our children hearing us put down others? Do we want to encourage our families and friends to be judgmental?

As I said in the beginning, negativity is contagious. It makes those around us more negative, it also makes it harder for us get back to promoting the positive. How can we fight this urge to judge others and laugh at their expense? How can we learn to love others even if they remind us of our own shortcomings? Except for the few narcissists, I think the key is learning to love ourselves then we can truly accept others. This is much easier said than done but I am working on it.