Suicide

I heard on the radio today that every 16 seconds, someone in this country commits suicide. This was so alarming to me, I Googled to get some more information and some of the information I found was also shocking. The age group that most often commits suicide are those of us that are 45 -64. I would have thought it was more of a problem in younger people. Also, men commit suicide nearly 4 times as often as females. That too is shocking.

Not all the sites I visited agree with the number on the radio. Most say it is less, which is good. Although if it is 1 million a year is correct, that is still way too many. The World Health Organization says that in addition to the million or so that succeed, there are 10 to 20 million that attempt suicide but do not die. The suicide prevention people do a great job of getting their phone number out there. If you Google the word suicide, you get all sorts of advice on why not to and how to contact help.

When I heard this on the radio, I started thinking about the people I knew that had committed suicide. I always thought that killing yourself was about the most selfish thing anyone could do. It leaves all those who care about you feeling guilty. There is never any type of closure, even if you leave a note.

I understand depression. I personally deal with mental, as well as physical illnesses. As bad as things have ever gotten, I could never decide that I would do that to my children, my parents, my friends or all the people who are just acquaintances that wish they had done more. When I think back over the list of people I know who are gone, I wish I had told them that I loved them. I wish I had made them believe somehow that I would always be there for them. I wish I could have given them some hope that things would get better. If all else failed, I could have dished out enough guilt to make them hang on. I’m good at that. I have children.

As we get closer to the Thanksgiving holiday, I am going to remind myself to be thankful for everyone who is in my life. And for anyone who might read this, even if I don’t know you, please know that I love you and if you need help and don’t know who to ask, ask me. I will do everything in my power to find you help if I can’t help myself.

Where To Buy a Dog

I decided to write a blog about responsible dog breeders. There seems to be an influx of warnings about not buying from backyard breeders. I’ve never understood exactly what that term means. Any good breeder will allow their dogs access to a fenced yard to exercise, even if the dogs aren’t kept outside all the time. Those breeders who raise large dogs, or dogs that do well outside, will have runs / kennels set up for their dogs. There are also warnings about puppy farms. These are large facilities that breed dogs of any quality every time they come into heat. The dogs are generally not well taken care of, live in small quarters that are dirty, hardly ever have any human contact, and rarely, if ever, are seen by a veterinarian. Puppies from this type of place are usually sold to large pet stores or offered for sale at flea markets. So, if you’d like to stop puppy mills, don’t buy your puppy from a pet store or a flea market.

There are sites all over Facebook and the rest of the internet explaining why you should ALWAYS get a dog from a rescue or a shelter. I would like to give warning against this type of purchase. There are good and bad shelters, just as there are good and bad breeders. I know there are shelters out there that try very hard to place dogs in appropriate homes. They get as much background on the dogs they have for sale as is possible. There are shelters that do behavior tests, heartworm tests and will not put an animal up for sale until it has been cleared by their veterinarian and neutered. BUT, there are also shelters that do not do any of this. They take in dogs and do not tell prospective buyers why the dogs were turned in. Do you want a 2 year old dog that someone could not housebreak? Do you want a dog that snapped at someone’s child? Every day I see ads on Craigslist and Kijiji for rescued Labs, Boxers, Shepherds, Chihuahuas, Dachshunds, etc. Then, when you look at the picture, the dog looks nothing like that breed. This is nothing but a sales pitch. Trying to convince someone that they are getting a certain type of dog is a lie and no better than a deceitful pet store employee telling someone the pup came from a show breeder. Especially for people with small children but also for people who are not experienced with dog training, it is important to find a dog that is suitable for your family. Getting a “Pomeranian” from a shelter that grows up to be a Chow mix is dangerous for your family. Many dogs end up back at shelters because of this.

Last year our local shelter sold dogs knowing the dogs had been exposed to distemper. These dogs went into the community and exposed other dogs to this deadly disease as well as brought heartache to the owners; most ended up putting the dogs to sleep after they had paid huge vet bills. The chance of getting a healthy puppy from our local shelter, where there is no quarantine area is pretty slim. I could write a novel just from the stories I have heard of dogs bought from the pound that were sick, were mean, had mange, grew up to be a totally different creature than what the family was told it would be.

There are many rescue groups locally. I won’t say names but several of these rescue groups offer dogs for sale for between $100 and $250 dollars. They do not do behavior screenings and do no background checks on dogs or prospective owners. These are people who are making money re-homing dogs. Rescue groups that are truly in this business to help dogs, will offer dogs for adoption to approved homes. They will do home checks. They will not allow dogs to go to homes without a fenced yard, with small children, without a veterinarian reference. They also work with their veterinarian to keep their costs down and there is no need to sell them for a large amount of money. For that amount of money, you could buy a healthy, well socialized puppy from a good breeder.

I’m certain I will have offended many people with this blog. I will add that I have several cats that we have rescued. We have a Boston/Lab mix. I have found homes for countless dogs so that they didn’t end up at our shelter. These dogs came from accidental breedings, puppy farms, off the side of the road, etc. They do go through behavior screenings. They are vet checked. They find perfect homes or they stay here forever. I also breed dogs. My dogs are of good quality. They are only bred if they are in good health and have good personalities. They are raised in my home. They are for sale to approved homes only. Don’t be shamed into not buying the puppy you want. Don’t feel guilty for not buying a sick dog from a shelter. Don’t feel guilty for not buying a dog that has never been socialized and you will not be able to train. This animal will be a member of your family. Buy or adopt the dog that will fit you perfectly so you can have a friend for life.

What a Man! Veteran’s Day Blog

As I perused my friends Facebook status’s this AM, I was pleased to see a common theme. Nearly everybody was sending thanks to the troops and veterans of our military. It was a heartwarming start an otherwise dreary day. Every Veteran’s Day for many years now I have thought about a particular WW11 vet that made a difference in my life. He is a local guy named Mike. We attended church together and bonded over orthodontists appointments for our children (well his grandchild). Mike may very well be the most interesting man I have ever met. Those that know him know what I mean.

Sitting in the orthodontists office while your child gets rewired is quite boring. For some reason, we parents feel the need to sit in the room with them until they get a certain age. However, I found myself in great company with my pal Mr. Mike. The first time we sat together and began to chat, he said he enjoyed hearing me sing in church. I always feel good when somebody compliments my music. He was sincere and I knew right away we were going to be friends. About 5 minutes later, his cell phone rang. Yes…his cell phone. It surprised me. He was quite “advanced” or ….old. I had not seen a man of his age with a cell phone. Only when he answered it did I notice the digits missing from his hands. Still, he was able to handle the phone with the grace of a teenager. He was talking to his wife. She just wanted to know how long it was going to take. He hung up and we continued to chat. Condensing the story is difficult, but I could write all day about Mr. Mike. He told me stories of serving in the 2^nd world war. By now I knew what had happened to his fingers. He spoke of a comradery that is still difficult for me too comprehend. Those that serve understand it.

Mr. Mike served under General Patton. That was exciting to me as I have always been a fan of Patton. After hearing that tid bit, I hung on to his every word. He told me of the “chain” of soldiers that they had to build. Never knowing who would get “decapitated” as it grew taller and who wouldn’t. I asked him about the fear and he responded with “We didn’t have time to be afraid. We had a mission.” That was an amazing to think of all those soldiers not knowing from one minute until the next if they would live or die. I praised his courage, but he was busy passing “the buck”. He told me of men who were terrified, but upon hitting the battle field, became “soldiers”. He even mentioned that he served with a “hairdresser”. Mr. Mike spoke of this hairdresser’s bravery. I wondered if he would have any negative words about his sacrifice. Not him. He even found time to meet friends while serving. Some he was still in touch with. Decades later, they were still sending birthday cards.

Mr. Mike worked in our church. I am certain he had a job title but it looked as if he did a little bit of everything. I saw him in the fellowship hall sometime later. As I recall, he told me he could decorate that fellowship hall as good as any woman. I was impressed again. By now, I knew that he and his wife were raising their granddaughter on there own. I have probably whined at least once a day since my daughter arrived. I am thinking Mr. Mike never complained. I really believe he could do my job, raise my kid, fight a war, and have good conversation much better than I could. As a matter of fact I knew he could. That gave me much to think about. A man close to ninety could run circles around me. What a guy! I thought about how lucky his wife was to have him. He was (and still is) a true gem.

Mr. Mike had a heat attack a few years back. I went to visit him in the hospital. The doctor told him he needed to slow down. To my knowledge, he has not followed those orders. I doubt he will. I also know that his granddaughter is now in college. Again…what can I say….what a man!!

As always, I look forward to your comments on facebook.

Robyn James Ruff