Suicide

I heard on the radio today that every 16 seconds, someone in this country commits suicide. This was so alarming to me, I Googled to get some more information and some of the information I found was also shocking. The age group that most often commits suicide are those of us that are 45 -64. I would have thought it was more of a problem in younger people. Also, men commit suicide nearly 4 times as often as females. That too is shocking.

Not all the sites I visited agree with the number on the radio. Most say it is less, which is good. Although if it is 1 million a year is correct, that is still way too many. The World Health Organization says that in addition to the million or so that succeed, there are 10 to 20 million that attempt suicide but do not die. The suicide prevention people do a great job of getting their phone number out there. If you Google the word suicide, you get all sorts of advice on why not to and how to contact help.

When I heard this on the radio, I started thinking about the people I knew that had committed suicide. I always thought that killing yourself was about the most selfish thing anyone could do. It leaves all those who care about you feeling guilty. There is never any type of closure, even if you leave a note.

I understand depression. I personally deal with mental, as well as physical illnesses. As bad as things have ever gotten, I could never decide that I would do that to my children, my parents, my friends or all the people who are just acquaintances that wish they had done more. When I think back over the list of people I know who are gone, I wish I had told them that I loved them. I wish I had made them believe somehow that I would always be there for them. I wish I could have given them some hope that things would get better. If all else failed, I could have dished out enough guilt to make them hang on. I’m good at that. I have children.

As we get closer to the Thanksgiving holiday, I am going to remind myself to be thankful for everyone who is in my life. And for anyone who might read this, even if I don’t know you, please know that I love you and if you need help and don’t know who to ask, ask me. I will do everything in my power to find you help if I can’t help myself.

Where To Buy a Dog

I decided to write a blog about responsible dog breeders. There seems to be an influx of warnings about not buying from backyard breeders. I’ve never understood exactly what that term means. Any good breeder will allow their dogs access to a fenced yard to exercise, even if the dogs aren’t kept outside all the time. Those breeders who raise large dogs, or dogs that do well outside, will have runs / kennels set up for their dogs. There are also warnings about puppy farms. These are large facilities that breed dogs of any quality every time they come into heat. The dogs are generally not well taken care of, live in small quarters that are dirty, hardly ever have any human contact, and rarely, if ever, are seen by a veterinarian. Puppies from this type of place are usually sold to large pet stores or offered for sale at flea markets. So, if you’d like to stop puppy mills, don’t buy your puppy from a pet store or a flea market.

There are sites all over Facebook and the rest of the internet explaining why you should ALWAYS get a dog from a rescue or a shelter. I would like to give warning against this type of purchase. There are good and bad shelters, just as there are good and bad breeders. I know there are shelters out there that try very hard to place dogs in appropriate homes. They get as much background on the dogs they have for sale as is possible. There are shelters that do behavior tests, heartworm tests and will not put an animal up for sale until it has been cleared by their veterinarian and neutered. BUT, there are also shelters that do not do any of this. They take in dogs and do not tell prospective buyers why the dogs were turned in. Do you want a 2 year old dog that someone could not housebreak? Do you want a dog that snapped at someone’s child? Every day I see ads on Craigslist and Kijiji for rescued Labs, Boxers, Shepherds, Chihuahuas, Dachshunds, etc. Then, when you look at the picture, the dog looks nothing like that breed. This is nothing but a sales pitch. Trying to convince someone that they are getting a certain type of dog is a lie and no better than a deceitful pet store employee telling someone the pup came from a show breeder. Especially for people with small children but also for people who are not experienced with dog training, it is important to find a dog that is suitable for your family. Getting a “Pomeranian” from a shelter that grows up to be a Chow mix is dangerous for your family. Many dogs end up back at shelters because of this.

Last year our local shelter sold dogs knowing the dogs had been exposed to distemper. These dogs went into the community and exposed other dogs to this deadly disease as well as brought heartache to the owners; most ended up putting the dogs to sleep after they had paid huge vet bills. The chance of getting a healthy puppy from our local shelter, where there is no quarantine area is pretty slim. I could write a novel just from the stories I have heard of dogs bought from the pound that were sick, were mean, had mange, grew up to be a totally different creature than what the family was told it would be.

There are many rescue groups locally. I won’t say names but several of these rescue groups offer dogs for sale for between $100 and $250 dollars. They do not do behavior screenings and do no background checks on dogs or prospective owners. These are people who are making money re-homing dogs. Rescue groups that are truly in this business to help dogs, will offer dogs for adoption to approved homes. They will do home checks. They will not allow dogs to go to homes without a fenced yard, with small children, without a veterinarian reference. They also work with their veterinarian to keep their costs down and there is no need to sell them for a large amount of money. For that amount of money, you could buy a healthy, well socialized puppy from a good breeder.

I’m certain I will have offended many people with this blog. I will add that I have several cats that we have rescued. We have a Boston/Lab mix. I have found homes for countless dogs so that they didn’t end up at our shelter. These dogs came from accidental breedings, puppy farms, off the side of the road, etc. They do go through behavior screenings. They are vet checked. They find perfect homes or they stay here forever. I also breed dogs. My dogs are of good quality. They are only bred if they are in good health and have good personalities. They are raised in my home. They are for sale to approved homes only. Don’t be shamed into not buying the puppy you want. Don’t feel guilty for not buying a sick dog from a shelter. Don’t feel guilty for not buying a dog that has never been socialized and you will not be able to train. This animal will be a member of your family. Buy or adopt the dog that will fit you perfectly so you can have a friend for life.

What a Man! Veteran’s Day Blog

As I perused my friends Facebook status’s this AM, I was pleased to see a common theme. Nearly everybody was sending thanks to the troops and veterans of our military. It was a heartwarming start an otherwise dreary day. Every Veteran’s Day for many years now I have thought about a particular WW11 vet that made a difference in my life. He is a local guy named Mike. We attended church together and bonded over orthodontists appointments for our children (well his grandchild). Mike may very well be the most interesting man I have ever met. Those that know him know what I mean.

Sitting in the orthodontists office while your child gets rewired is quite boring. For some reason, we parents feel the need to sit in the room with them until they get a certain age. However, I found myself in great company with my pal Mr. Mike. The first time we sat together and began to chat, he said he enjoyed hearing me sing in church. I always feel good when somebody compliments my music. He was sincere and I knew right away we were going to be friends. About 5 minutes later, his cell phone rang. Yes…his cell phone. It surprised me. He was quite “advanced” or ….old. I had not seen a man of his age with a cell phone. Only when he answered it did I notice the digits missing from his hands. Still, he was able to handle the phone with the grace of a teenager. He was talking to his wife. She just wanted to know how long it was going to take. He hung up and we continued to chat. Condensing the story is difficult, but I could write all day about Mr. Mike. He told me stories of serving in the 2^nd world war. By now I knew what had happened to his fingers. He spoke of a comradery that is still difficult for me too comprehend. Those that serve understand it.

Mr. Mike served under General Patton. That was exciting to me as I have always been a fan of Patton. After hearing that tid bit, I hung on to his every word. He told me of the “chain” of soldiers that they had to build. Never knowing who would get “decapitated” as it grew taller and who wouldn’t. I asked him about the fear and he responded with “We didn’t have time to be afraid. We had a mission.” That was an amazing to think of all those soldiers not knowing from one minute until the next if they would live or die. I praised his courage, but he was busy passing “the buck”. He told me of men who were terrified, but upon hitting the battle field, became “soldiers”. He even mentioned that he served with a “hairdresser”. Mr. Mike spoke of this hairdresser’s bravery. I wondered if he would have any negative words about his sacrifice. Not him. He even found time to meet friends while serving. Some he was still in touch with. Decades later, they were still sending birthday cards.

Mr. Mike worked in our church. I am certain he had a job title but it looked as if he did a little bit of everything. I saw him in the fellowship hall sometime later. As I recall, he told me he could decorate that fellowship hall as good as any woman. I was impressed again. By now, I knew that he and his wife were raising their granddaughter on there own. I have probably whined at least once a day since my daughter arrived. I am thinking Mr. Mike never complained. I really believe he could do my job, raise my kid, fight a war, and have good conversation much better than I could. As a matter of fact I knew he could. That gave me much to think about. A man close to ninety could run circles around me. What a guy! I thought about how lucky his wife was to have him. He was (and still is) a true gem.

Mr. Mike had a heat attack a few years back. I went to visit him in the hospital. The doctor told him he needed to slow down. To my knowledge, he has not followed those orders. I doubt he will. I also know that his granddaughter is now in college. Again…what can I say….what a man!!

As always, I look forward to your comments on facebook.

Robyn James Ruff

Worship

What is your definition of worship?

During a conversation, Robyn and I asked how can someone worship God, yet not be satisfied with his creation. I said this is not possible. I looked up the definition of worship and was surprised at the result. Come to find out, there are several definitions given at the Merriam Webster site.

1 chiefly British : a person of importance —used as a title for various officials (as magistrates and some mayors)

2 : reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also : an act of expressing such reverence

3 : a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual

4 : extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem

Perhaps the confusion is not that people don’t worship their God, but that their meaning of worship is different than mine. It’s a horrible comparison, but when I started thinking about it, I think that I worship my Pekingese. Val is perfect. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I am a bit crazy but hear me out. To me, Val has no faults. He is beautiful. I love him completely and unconditionally. He loves me more than anything in the world. He has a wonderful personality. He never has any negativity about him. He is always there when I need him. What more could I ask? Now, if you look at him, you might say different. But then, you just don’t know him like I do. I never thought that I worshipped a dog, but according to the definition, I do have extravagant respect and admiration for him. I am very devoted to him. Now that said, I can also say that I love all of his creations. I never mind vacuuming dog hair, it just shows I should have brushed his beautiful coat more. If he gets in the trash, it is the fault of whoever put something in there he wanted. If he has an accident on the floor, it is my fault for not taking him out. If he barks, I appreciate the alert. I listen and go see what he wants. Every puppy he has created is also perfect. Any puppy we have had that has less coat then normal is perfect for someone who wants a baby that doesn’t shed much. Any puppy that has a longer nose than normal is perfect for someone looking for one that won’t snuffle and snore as much as Pekingese usually do. Every puppy that is standoffish is perfect for a home with older people who don’t need a playful outgoing dog. Every puppy that is a tad hyper is perfect for a home with children who need a dog to play. Every creation is perfect.

So again, I wonder, how can people worship God, yet not think everything created is perfect. How can we not believe that every storm is needed? How can we not believe that every sickness has purpose? How can we not accept that every abuse is destiny? Of course, every child is perfect. If we believe that God is the creator of everything, then everything is perfect in its own right, no?

Perhaps it is only that people live by different definitions of worship. Perhaps some of us only have reverence and respect for God. Perhaps some of us have built our religious practice around God and formed our own rituals and creeds or follow those of others. Personally, I think I am going to work towards worshipping more than just my dog. I will begin to adore everything created. I will love, unconditionally, every aspect of nature. I will begin anew the adulation I have for the entity I believe in by assuming there are many things I cannot yet understand the purpose for and accept life’s tribulations. This will not be easy and I will fail, but as part of the creation, I am perfect. I am at the stage in life where I am meant to be.

I hope that this makes you think about at what stage you are at in your life. I hope that this helps anyone who reads this blog continue with their own personal growth. Perhaps during our prayers we can hold off asking for healing and instead be thankful for the pain and the distraction it causes. Perhaps shouldn’t ask for peace but be grateful for the violence and the lessons it teaches us. Maybe we miss our loved ones who have passed away but are appreciative of the time we spent together. We can believe that change will come when the time is right assuming we truly worship our creator.

Blessings,

Karen and Robyn - A collaboration (Teamwork is great!)

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Honesty

Wow, what a week! Got lots of work done around the house. The new furbabies arrived. I’ve had some great conversations with friends, new and old. Maybe all the serious, soul-wrenching conversation has been in preparation for the Taurus moon coming up on the latter part of October. There has been much talk of trust, core beliefs and honesty. The question I ask myself this morning is how much is too much?

I for one appreciate total honesty, regardless of its effect. Most people aren’t honest with themselves, much less others. I don’t think this is a conscious choice, not for the most part. Our egos play tricks on us when trying to tell the truth. We are either an egomaniac, who would never admit a fault, or so insecure we fear what others would think if they truly knew us. Most of us fall in the middle, which gives us both problems at once! Strangely enough I think most people feel comfortable enough with me to be fairly honest. Maybe it is because I try to be honest; maybe it’s because I have so many faults I am not likely to cast any stones. Then again, maybe it’s because I love people for the interesting, wonderful souls they are and that shows. I hope so.

So how can we be honest, keep our fragile egos inflated and dodge the stones of thrown at us? How can we be who we are, while still being who others expect us to be? How can we say what we feel and not risk offending others? This takes delicate balance. You might say, screw what others think, I am who I am. Well, that is easier said than done. Whether we are parents, children, friends, politicians, church leaders or just some random stranger, we all are at least a little concerned about how we affect others. We should be. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I need to be me. So this week, while I am still learning to consistently emit positive energy, I am going to be working on positively being me. While we make the transition from the impulsive, intelligent Aries moon, to the more positive and practical sign of Taurus, I will be working on a new aspect of growth. I am committing myself to being honest. Only then can I begin to trust myself and others. Only then can I take a sincere look at my core beliefs and know for absolutely certain, this is who I am.

As always, any comments or criticism is most welcome. Feel free to sign up and comment right here, or where the blog link is posted on facebook or myspace.

Bright Blessings to all,

Karen

After reading Karen’s’ blog on “social order” about 4 times, I decided to bring something similar to the table….you know...the same...’cept different. The world we live in has put us in a strange position, morally. It has even been referred to as “Survival of the fittest” by Darwin. If you can’t handle being bullied, teased, or judged then you are the one with the problem. This harsh lesson is reinforced throughout the school years. Kids learn to look down on others that do not have the best of clothing, automobiles and many other things. This carries over into adulthood. Then the behavior is copied by our children. Whether we want to admit it or not, we have created the monster that is judgment. As we speak in our living rooms about what people at “WalMart” look like, how many kids a woman had with her, or how we ran into an old friend that had “let herself go”, we contribute to this downward spiral of morality, values and compassion for others. Why not? They are young and not able to discern what is truth or what is tongue in cheek. I discovered my own mistake when my 2 year old said “shit” for the very first time. Not at home, not at a friends, but at a relative’s home; a relative that I would not offend for anything in the world. People that have met me may wonder what planet such relatives live on……because they know my family. This was the opposite side, my Dad’s side. As I began to sink to what I hoped was death, my Aunt and Uncle pretended nothing had happened. They graciously continued our good byes without even an odd look. Though not true in every case, these people are true Christians. I am certain they have never spoken ill of me, called me a bad mom or anything of the sort. My foul mouthed daughter spoke at their 50th wedding anniversary. Well, she was a month away from 18 then. Cleaned up her act and made a great speech…makes a mom proud.

I am not mother of the year. I have made mistakes that I wish I could take back. All I can do now is move forward and try to make others feel better when they feel like crawling under the floor. When I was in college my parents encouraged me to read some very important books, some by the Rev. Norman Vincent Peale, Rev. Bob Schuler….and most of all Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I did drag my feet a bit because I had plenty to read. But, I found time to read them; and what a difference these writings made.

Carnegie’s book can be taken 2 different ways. One can read it and pretend or “fake” the advice, or read it and take ownership. Anything but the latter is a waste of reading. Carnegie teaches how to become “infectious” to others. I have met those who read it without owning his wisdom. Trust me; there is a fake smile and laugh all over their face. I know what his intent was for this book, and I am thankful everyday that I read it, more than once. It has taught me how to bring joy to others by my own reflection.

Norman Vincent Peale has a philosophy about kindness. Before I ever heard of “Random acts of Kindness” he had already introduced me to it. It had no name. It was just…..being nice. One piece of advice he offered was this, “If you see someone with a sad or sour look, try to make them feel better.” As an example, he spoke of a visit to the post office. The clerk was standing there looking crabby, acting grouchy, and probably very tired. He probably had a family to face when he got home exhausted that needed all the energy he had. The Rev. noticed the clerk had a thick head of hair. So he says to him, “Man, what I would give to have that head of hair on your head.” The clerk gives him an odd look, then a big smile. He goes on to thank the Rev and the sour look was gone. What’s the lesson here? Don’t look for what is unappealing about a person (which was his demeanor). Look for what is appealing. An older gentleman with such thick “locks” Rev. Peale knew this man took pride in that hair…..just a few words can change a person’s day.

Ever gone out to eat with a person that picks on the waitress for no reason? Suppose that waitress has just been dumped, evicted, or needed child support. Something to think about….we could be the person that gives her hope, or the person that makes her ask, “Why…why do I even try?” Maybe even a little extra tip. She probably needs it worse than we do. Think about it, a random act of kindness equals just being nice. It has always existed.

As I end this blog, it would not be complete without the teachings of Rev. Robert Schuller. From his writings, I learned to be tough and to forgive. It amazed me that this man could be so humble, so forgiving. His daughter lost her leg in a motorcycle accident. His faith kept him tough. This same faith kept me tough during times I felt were unbearable. His ability to forgive gave him peace when he really wanted to be angry. I still seek that peace. Have not found it…but refuse to stop trying.

Most people do not come by goodness by their own account. Even if man is innately good, there will be tests. As human beings, we should remember a few things. One - We should watch what we say and do; we do not know who is watching, or whose feelings we are hurting. Two - Seek out people who make us want to be better people. Three - Be kind, don’t judge, and try to find something nice to say….even if you get nothing in return.

Robyn

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why we feel the need to put others down. Psychology Today calls this Rankism and says it is a social disorder. This affects individuals and groups. Unleashed, this disorder leads to the breakdown of relationships causing divorce, dysfunctionality and violence. Often we think it isn’t causing much harm. In reality, it not only causes harm to the person or people being put down, it also promotes the downward spiral of the person or group who has the disorder. The negativity surrounding the practice of Rankism is contagious. More often than not, people who overhear or read the put downs of others, either let it go, or laugh along at the expense of their fellow humans. I am as guilty of this as anyone. How can we fight this urge and exude positive energy instead of negativity?

There are several books and articles about this. A few say that some people really do feel superior to others, narcissists. They have no reason to feel bad about making derogatory comments about those they consider underlings. Most of the time, though, it is because we have insecurities about ourselves that make us want our peers to see us as more intelligent, stronger, better at our jobs, or better looking because we fear the loss of our status socially, if people find out we are inferior. Often we see that people who regularly point out the shortcomings of others also brag and exaggerate their own triumphs. We all know people who do this all the time, but most of us only do it once in a while and feel somewhat guilty for it afterwards. So then, you might ask, what’s the harm? If we talk a little trash to feel a little better about ourselves, maybe even learn a little humility in the process, who cares? Well, the people who are being put down care. The people who hear the conversation care. Whether it’s online, in public or in the privacy of our homes, the affect we have on others is evident.

When chatting or posting online, there is no way to know how many people will read what is written. Emails are forwarded. Computer screens seen over the shoulder of users. Posts are reposted and read by many. A put down of a person or group can be twisted and people assume the writer feels that way about a much larger group. The writer is then seen as sexist, racist or judgmental, even though he would say it was just meant as a sarcastic jibe.

Most of us are guilty of quietly poking fun of others in public. The smirk and nod to a friend, saying look at that guy over there, making fun of his hair, clothes or pack of children. How could that cause any problems? Well, we don’t know who else saw that. Maybe one of his kids saw that and is now embarrassed, causing the poor kid to have the same insecurities we are discussing. If we are a different race than the victim, maybe someone of the same race saw it and now thinks you are a racist, causing more anger and tension between the racists. The same is true if the person is a different sex. If you are well known in the community, the trouble is accelerated.
Even in the privacy of our own homes, having a conversation with a friend, we are influencing our friend and anyone overhearing the negative exchange. Do we really want our children hearing us put down others? Do we want to encourage our families and friends to be judgmental?

As I said in the beginning, negativity is contagious. It makes those around us more negative, it also makes it harder for us get back to promoting the positive. How can we fight this urge to judge others and laugh at their expense? How can we learn to love others even if they remind us of our own shortcomings? Except for the few narcissists, I think the key is learning to love ourselves then we can truly accept others. This is much easier said than done but I am working on it.

The Secret to Peace is Acceptance

Often we find ourselves in the midst of unease. It seems like there is bickering everywhere and all we want is to find peace. Learning to let go of negativity and try to excude positive energy is tough. A new friend of mine, who is a wonderful writer, wrote a great peace on this subject so we decided to ask Dean Anderson to be our first guest blogger. I'm sure anyone who reads this will enjoy it and learn from it as much as we did. Thanks Dean.

Ariane de Bonvoisin, author of The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier was quoted in the August 2009 Guideposts,
"On the other side of acceptance is where peace exists, where the solutions are."

In 27 years of counseling, I have found that what Ms. De Bonvoisin says is always true. Always. No exceptions.

Acceptance is the key to change, and the key to peace.

Do you believe me?

The opposite of acceptance is resistance, and strangely, resistance is what magnetizes to us exactly what we don't want. In facing whatever we don't want, and accepting it as it is, we are then able to reach peace around whatever the ‘it' is.

Try this scenario: You really dislike your current job. Really dislike it. You want to quit, but for various reasons, you can't. Rather than continue to resist the job, begin to find things you can appreciate (and therefore accept) about it. I've seen it work over and over again. When acceptance comes, change can happen.

Think of the thing you most resist in your current life. It could be a relationship, a task, an assignment, anything. Notice your own resistance to it. Begin to switch your resistance to appreciation, and you will find yourself living into acceptance of what is. Once you accept what is, it's pretty easy to change it.

One of the things that never ceases to amaze me is that we actually resist peace on this planet. We make peace a when/then possibility. When I lose 15 pounds, then I'll be at peace. Why not be at peace with the 15 pounds, and let them melt away?

When there's a Republican/Democrat in the White House, then I'll be at peace. Why?
When I'm out of debt, then I'll be at peace. Why? Why wait to be at peace? What do you get from waiting, from postponing peace? I don't think we get any benefit from it.
Like the gift of the present moment, peace can only exist in this moment--now. And then the next now. Delaying it doesn't help anyone.

Try acceptance if you want peace.

posted by
PeaceCorso on 9/14/2009

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Bright Blessings to All

Rembering a Great Man

For the most part, I am not a big fan of getting old, but aging does have some perks. For one, sometime around when our children get to be teenagers we begin to look back at our lives. We think about those people who had the most influence on us. Often these people changed us and in many ways, made us who we are. There were many people who shaped my perspective on life and helped me find personal strength. Others taught me tolerance and love. I am thankful to many teachers, coaches, family and friends. Then there are people who I admire for going that extra mile. I hesitate to list these people for fear I will forget someone but the people that first come to mind are Wanda Cooke, Sam and Lynn Dusenbury, Sandy Jacobs, and Dr. George Lovell.

Most people who know me well would find it strange that I see Dr. Lovell as one of the people who had the most influence on me. Dr. Lovell, for anyone who might not have had the pleasure of knowing him, was the preacher at the church I grew up in. He was one of the pillars in my life. He was always there to talk to and I never felt the slightest fear that he would judge me for any doubt or failure I had. I knew in my heart that he loved me with the compassion only a spiritual person can feel. He didn’t care whose daughter I was, whose sister I was, what color I was, how good my grades were or how much trouble I had been in. He answered all my questions with tact and grace. He always had the greatest smile that made me feel welcome and secure.

Honestly, I don’t remember many of his sermons. I know I sat there every Sunday and for the most part I paid attention but I don’t remember what he said. What I remember most about church services was the wonderful music, the camaraderie, and security of being a part of such a great community. What I do remember is the answers he gave to my many questions. One of my earliest memories is of when I asked him why God let bad things happen. He smiled down at me and said, “Without mosquitoes we wouldn’t be able to appreciate butterflies.” I have thought about that statement so many times over the years and that reply is the answer to so much. It is the philosophy that some religions are based on. That simple answer to a child’s doubt explains the balance of light and dark, good and evil, yin and yang. When I asked him over the years if I was bad or wrong for feelings I had, his answer was always a quick no. He always took the time to explain to me that everyone has doubts, everyone has worldly wants and moving beyond these temptations is what helps us to grow. Dr. Lovell convinced me without a shadow of doubt that if I made mistakes I would be forgiven. If I had evil thoughts, I would be able to overcome them and do the right thing. No matter how many times other people tried to make me feel guilt or fear, he was my rock of acceptance. He gave me what so many people seek and that is personal power: The power to be who I am, without the constant pressure to become what others expected of me. For this I am eternally grateful.

This Sunday morning, I am remembering possibly the greatest person I ever knew. If you knew him and haven’t read his book, you should do so. It is called “Twelve Houses and a Mansion, the Life and Times of Rev. S. George Lovell, Jr.” It’s a great story and helps the reader understand him as a person. I would love to hear some of your stories of people to whom you are thankful.

Bright Blessings,
Karen

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Healthcare Reform

I’m sure that very few people have any interest in whether or not I think this country needs health care reform. It will surprise me if many agree with me here. I think it is terrible that places like Canada, Cuba and nearly all of Europe have medical care for their citizens and we do not. I think it is horrible that people who cannot afford to have expensive tests done opt to die instead of bankrupting their families. I also believe it is unethical for an insurance company to charge money to insure folks that they will have access to medical care, and then use that money to hire employees to figure out how to not pay for that care. Even our senior citizens who have paid taxes their whole lives have to buy supplemental insurance to help out Medicare and still fall into that doughnut hole and have huge prescription bills to pay. I believe that basic medical care should be a right and I’m not alone. Mary Campbell sent me a link to a website for people who support HR676. This is a bill sponsored by Rep. John Conyers (D-MI) and Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH). It is an expansion of Medicare for all. But if you would like to support health care much like they have in Canada and Europe, click here http://www.hr676.org

I’ve heard several people say that our citizens are never turned away. I am assured that by our health care director, here at the blog, that this is correct. She even gave me a link to prove it. www.emtala.com/faq.htm . Well, far be it from me to doubt, but I guess it depends on what each provider considers appropriate and needed. My experience has been, if your doctor wants you to have a CAT scan or MRI and you can’t pay for it, you don’t get it. If you can’t afford to buy the antibiotics your doctor prescribes you, you don’t get them. If you can’t afford to pay for services when they are rendered, you don’t get them. Our hospitals give emergency care to people is so they don’t get sued and so they can continue to get government money. I think it is atrocious that so many people are so concerned about how we will pay for our citizens to get medical care. Our government can come up with this money, and not just because Obama says so. We subsidize farming, manufacturing, banks, auto makers, countless other countries… I could go on and on. So, why can’t we provide health care? Tax relief to help people pay for insurance is ridiculous. If someone can’t afford insurance premiums, getting a check at the end of the year isn’t going to help. Obama has said much of the cost will be taken care by cleaning up the system itself. Someone who helps with our blog, an EMT, says that she sees wasted funds often. Sometimes because people misunderstand what their insurance requires, some by people who have no ability or intention of paying their ambulance bills. Much money is spent on people who want emergency care to help a future law suit.

Over 45 million people in this country have no health insurance. Many more are underinsured. This means many of those people will die from preventable or treatable conditions. The rest will go to the ER and the government will foot their medical bills. Even after going to the ER, many will not be able to afford follow-up care or prescriptions. So what can we do about this? The question should be; do we want to do anything about it? If you watch the news, the answer is no. It seems to me that politicians would much rather sling blame and toss criticism than to come up with a solution. Shocking, I know.

There are many opinions of the citizens of our country. I, for one, am getting really tired of the media telling me that most Americans do not want health reform. Many people believe like Kathy Wall Kefalas from Southern Georgia, GA. She writes, “healthcare is exasperating because it IS such a continuous cycle of the poor getting poorer (or dying) and the rich own the hospital...I am all for anything that ensures that ALL people can get healthcare...there has got to be a way - I just have this horrible, sinking feeling… that there is a feasible way to do this but the "powers that be" will never let this happen. It only takes one person to step up and do the right thing to start a chain of goodwill (and I believe the President wants to do this)...but even he has to answer to other unscrupulous, powerfully rich men, who I feel really don't care if us "little people" live or die. It's going to take a lot more than the power of the president to change healthcare in America.” Isn’t it ironic that the President can declare war, but can’t save the citizens of his own country?

I think many, if not most people are in the same situation as Robyn Ruff. She says, “I really feel the need for more opinions before I can know what I feel. Not that I cannot think for myself but I cannot prove the truth is being told by Obama.” She assumes he is being truthful and wants his healthcare plan to pass, but there are so many lies out there, it hard to know who to trust. In July, Time Magazine tells us their polls show that 46% of Americans said it was “Very Important” that we pass health reform. The graph at http://healthcarepolls.blogspot.com shows the slow but steady rise in support for health reform. At the same time, we are constantly reminded by right wing media that it will break us. Fox News reported just yesterday in a story entitled “Obama Needs to Put the Brakes On” that the deficit is skyrocketing and is “predicted to reach $10 trillion if any one of the present health care bills is passed.” Now, how many times has Obama said he will not sign a bill that will raise the deficit? I guess Joe Wilson isn’t the only one shouting “You Lie” to the president. Fox News seems to yell it every day.

My fear for healthcare reform is that we will end up with reform much like Medicare reform. Politicians will take a good idea and dissect it, then put it back together with the addition of loopholes and idiocies. We will get just enough different options to make it impossible to understand. Then, of course the ones who can explain it to us are the people trying to sell us insurance. And after all that, we will find ourselves falling into doughnut holes we were never told about. But it will be okay, people who can pay will get a tax break at the end of the year that they don’t need, right?

Discrimination

It is not a secret that Facebook is a major part of the information highway these days. There is so much to share, so many different types of people to share with, and so many subjects we may never discuss at home. Reading a person’s Facebook or Twitter status can get a conversation started quickly. Conversations we need to be having concerning our families, sick friends, prayer lists and even our country. Last week I responded to a status on a pal’s page. I do not remember the content exactly but it had to do with a poll that had Obama’s rating as low. Many comments started pouring in. As I read, I noticed there was a bit of racial tension. Many folks seemed to believe they were not included in the poll. I kept throwing my two cents worth in as well. I was sure that before the end of the thread, all would know that people were not busting on Obama because of his race…they were doing it because they are afraid of him. Don’t trust him…..

Okay..I am Robyn..Half of this blog team. I would like to say upfront that I have no fear!! Not of our president. But I did manage to get my feelings hurt, which is not unusual, when people were trampling over my comments and referring to my race as “they”…I truly was not angry..I just wanted to be “we”. I felt that my words were being ignored. So I then made a post declaring my pain of not being included. To make it worse, all those I was targeting didn’t respond. Hmmm…I took my concerns to my blog partner because she is the less sensitive one of our duo. She shared her feelings about my post and the pals that I felt had disrespected me and put it in a language I could understand.

Hi all, Karen here. I am certainly no expert on this subject. I told Robyn, as far as I know I have been lucky enough to never have come in personal contact with what most call reverse racism. Everyone has, at some point, been discriminated against. There are many types of discrimination and all are hurtful. Growing up as part of the majority, accepted by most everyone makes it hard for us to empathize with the plight of those most victimized by racism. Some of us have chosen paths that are not the norm and that certainly leaves us open to prejudice by the judgmental. I have seen this in my life because I chose to have my children close together, because I am overweight, because of my religious preferences and more. None of this compares to the frustration and anger that must be felt when you are the victim of bigotry for no reason other than the color of your skin. The ignorance of people who judge and stereotype people without ever bothering to get to know them is astounding to me.

The scenario I presented to Robyn to help her understand was this; If she and I and some others of our over-weight buddies got together and started a little diet club, we would take criticism from each other fairly well. If she caught me eating a hot fudge cake sundae at Sonic and fussed, I’d be okay with that. On the other hand, if she was caught snacking on some Cheetos by a skinny chick and that person chose to say something crude about it, she would be fighting mad. It is unfeasible to take judgment from someone who has no clue where you are coming from. I believe this is why there is reverse racism. No matter how much better things have gotten, there are still bigots in our families, our churches and our politics. This is even more prevalent here in the south. As long as there are racists, there will be minorities being defensive. Those of us caught in the middle will just have to continue to love people for who they are, instead of who they are not. I try to remember that, for the most part, all of us do the best we can with what we have. The only way we will ever get past this divisiveness is to be inclusive. Our diversity is what makes this country so unique. We should embrace our individuality and love each other not despite our differences but because of them.


Robyn again...This is why we must continue the conversations. We should never limit ourselves to our own opinions; we may miss out on some unexpected and much needed wisdom. If we truly aspire to have peace, We must be understanding towards each other......even when "we" don't understand "them" and "they" don't seem to understand "us".

9/11

Every year on 9/11 I hear two voices, one of patriotism and one of hatred. Our patriots are proud of the citizens that gave or risked their lives by running towards tumbling towers. Our patriots joined the military to serve our country by keeping us safe. They did this because they believed in our country, not to get the new found bonuses. Our patriots continue to fight for healthcare for the volunteers who served on 9/11 and are now left to their own because they weren’t full time employees. Our patriots continue to raise money to support the families of those who fell on that horrible day.

On the other hand, the fear mongers use this day to promote hatred. We should be angry at a whole country, because of the actions of a few? We should hate a whole culture because of their radical few? We should murder the citizens of other countries, because people came here to murder us?

As we wave our flags, say our prayers and remember today, let’s try to do so in the way of patriotism. Let’s love each other and be tolerant of those who are different. Let’s not add to the hatred.

Blessings,
Karen

A Little History.

Meeting Karen was a monumental time in my life. I was five years old and had moved to the coast from Little Rock, Arkansas. I was told there was a friend waiting for me here so I was not so anxious. I arrived at First Baptist Kindergarten to a sea of five year old faces staring at me. I remember it well. The double doors were opened but I couldn’t enter because the kids were just standing there looking at me. I suppose because I was new. I remember being pulled aside and introduced to Karen. She had long brown hair but that is all I remember. I cannot even remember what I looked like. We are hoping some picture diving will reveal some of our old ‘looks”. We were buddies from that day forward.

We were an interesting couple of chums since we had opposite ideas about playing. She preferred the outside and I liked playing dolls inside. She was a complete tomboy and I was very girly….very prissy. I still am not sure how we managed to remain close friends with all our differences. We had fights a lot; mostly at school. Our memories differ on the winner of these fights. I was sure it was me….Karen says otherwise. Sometimes it was a war of words, sometimes hitting was necessary. Yes, hitting. Teachers didn’t understand why we were friends. We were told at times to stay away from each other by them. Then we would really get angry. If there was anything worse than being together, it was being apart. We remained friends, against all odds, throughout high school.

Karen and I drifted apart during college. I lost touch with lots of friends after high school so it was not entirely surprising. However, we have discovered that we still have a bond. We are very different in some ways, not so different in others. We hope our differences will make for an interesting read on our blog site. We have not only an interesting past to share, but feel that our thoughts about the future may catch your attention as well. Please stay tuned. Karen and I have lots to share with you!!

~~Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery~~

As I perused the blog of my first friend and current blog partner, I realized that I do have a problem. Admitting it is not so much hard as it is somewhat embarrassing……Here goes…..I have grown up. Yes, against all odds, I have reached adulthood. I would congratulate myself on the arrival, but it should have happened long ago. After all, I am married with children, but that’s another blog, right?

I credit Facebook with part of my maturing process. I started Facebooking for fun. Quoting movies, music lyrics and posting videos brought me lots of pleasure. Reminiscing with old friends was fun as well. Talking about old times…good times..made me feel like a real kid again. Then I came across a strange phenomenon…….people who disagreed with me about things ……..on MY Facebook page.

For those of you that really know me, this will make sense. For those who do not, I would ask that you withhold judgment. It is not that I am a know it all. I have just always had very good advice and ideas. Yep..as a matter of fact, I have always been excellent at dishing it out, but not so good at taking it. Well, let me tell you folks something…if you can’t take the Facebook heat you better get out of the kitchen!!!! Too late for me. Throwing my “right” opinions against those “wrong” ones brought me cheap thrills. Now that I have grown up, I am no longer seeking cheap thrills. On the contrary, I seek great pleasure. But what could bring more pleasure than arguing on Facebook? Perhaps using some of my arguments to make a difference in this divided world we live in. I cannot say for sure that this will happen, but I would like to give it a sportin’ chance.

My inspiration? Mrs. Karen Childs Smith (I will refer to her as KCS for time sake). Just when you think you have all the answers, run them by her. There is a layer that hasn’t been touched yet. Not to sound cliché (even though it is cliché to say cliché right?) but I consider myself a “work in progress." KCS is a “progressed work." I shouldn't be intimidated because her knowledge is valuable!!! I am settled in my ways and stick to my old ideas for arguments. Grown up that I am, I plan to learn from my partner. More specifically, a new level of tolerance. I thought I had a patent on tolerance. I mean, I was a public school teacher!! Tolerance is a must. However, rethinking the last 5 years or so of my life, there are discrepancies in my claim of being tolerant. If you have argued with me, you know what I mean.

I have discovered that I am far from the philosopher that I wish to become. I have to dig deeper into subject matter that I want to defend. In this blog, we plan to tackle every subject from playground fights to why a James/Childs ticket will change the country as we know it. Believe me, there will be lots of material in between.

I promise to keep my ego in check because adults should do that. I have embraced the vocabulary of pop culture so brush up if you haven’t…..Fo shiz I will keep phresh~~ Please take a look at our writings and respond to them. As a former semi “know it all," I believe you will enjoy them and find them very thought provoking. We promise to make them worthy of your time. Last of all, challenge us. We do not have all the answers, and by communicating with a mature group, maybe together we can find some.

Peace~
Robyn

♪ ? Ain’t no road too long..if we meet…in the middle ♪ ? ? --Diamond Rio

Why Would You Take on Another Project?

Over the last few weeks I have been evaluating my life, a recheck of sorts, to see if I am on target. I’ve been looking closely at my values and goals to see if I am doing what I need to on a daily basis to make the world a better place, at least the world that I live in. You hear so much about how small the world is and how much we, as individuals, can do to make things better. I’m trying to change my prospective a bit, in order to make sure I am doing my part. Some of what I want to do is easy. I recycle more and switch off a few more lights. I’m even going to try and refill my ink cartridges instead of buying new ones. Other things are not so easy. I’ve decided to make a conscious effort to make eye contact and smile at strangers. This can make a difference in the life of someone who is having a bad day. I’ve decided that once our house is finished, I will use a larger percentage of the profit I make to increase our animal rescue. One main change I am making is to widen my circle. I am going to include acquaintances, not just friends, in my thoughts and try to put myself out there a bit more. My first big move towards this was to add every name I recognized on MySpace and Facebook. Getting in touch with old friends has been enlightening and enjoyable. One of those friends is Robyn James Ruff. Robyn was my best friend for many years and somehow as we grew up, we lost touch. We have been amazed at how little we had changed as people and how much we had in common.

One thing I have noticed while talking to all of my old friends and family is that many of us seem to have tunnel vision. We see our values as the only ones acceptable and get quite riled when our standards are questioned. I am as guilty of this as anyone. I always considered myself to be open-minded. Now I see that this tolerance is just another form of bias, a reason to judge those who are not so liberal. I believe the only way to get past this is to talk to folks who disagree with me and listen to why they believe as they do. Robyn and I have decided to write a blog. This is our small way of changing the world. We hope through dynamic and respectful discussions, we can better understand the opinions of others and therefore be able to appreciate people for the individuals we all are.

Karen